The walls.

When you’re trying to figure out whether to let go, you’ll probably ask yourself the same questions I once asked myself. Are you stumbling around in the dark, clinging to the barest minimum of affection? Are you so starved of emotional intimacy that when you experience it, you grow so attached that you are terrified at the prospect of losing it?

I’m sure you’ll agree that this internal conflict isn’t pretty — its contradictory nature reflected in emptiness so vast it resembles the great abyss of space, and emotions so intense it feels like the burning of the stars themselves.

You think to yourself, “I’m bursting at the seams. I need to get out. I need to breathe. I need to think.” Every day you feel yourself returning to the person whose walls were built so high that nobody could see the tops of them. You’re inching closer and closer to them, and that scares you.

You want to be someone’s answer, not another option. You want to be made a priority. You want to be made to feel like you’re worth the pain, the tears, the sleepless nights. You want to be wanted. You just want to be loved, because you have so much love to give in return.

“Is that too much to ask for?”

I know. I asked myself the same questions too, once. And I’ll tell you what I’m still learning.

Not being with them doesn’t feel right to you, and you suspect it will feel that way for the foreseeable future. And yes, there is a part of you that wishes they’d text and tell you they want to be with you too. But that’s only human, no? You can’t help but hope. It’s alright to hope.

No matter what you’ve been through, it’ll always be hard to come to terms with the fact that people can fade into and out of others’ lives. But you need to believe that one day you will both find your way home to something more peaceful than what you had. Maybe that will be with each other, maybe it won’t.

Look. Remember. You learnt so much about yourself with them. Be thankful for that. Be grateful that this happened sooner, rather than later. You will be sad for a while. You will, there’s no escaping it. As I’ve said before, healing takes time. There will be nights that you cry yourself to sleep thinking about it.

But you will still wake up, step outside, look up at the sun, squint and smile. And for those moments life will be filled with light and love, you’ll laugh and everything will be okay.